


chivalry, rivalry, revelry

by fangirl_squee



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval Times (the Restaurant), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, minor appearances by other hieron characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 17:01:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19816630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_squee/pseuds/fangirl_squee
Summary: Welcome to Hieron: A Medieval Fantasy Experience and Restaurant, where you too can travel back to a forgotten age of danger and Romance.Or, if you're Adaire, come visit your friends at their ridiculous job.





	chivalry, rivalry, revelry

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to linda for tweeting this idea, and to maddie for looking it over
> 
> title from the Medieval Times Restaurant website, where they really do joust with real horses

“Hail and well met!” said the knight as Adaire approached, “And welcome to the land of Hieron, where-”

“Lem,” said Adaire, “you don't have to give me the speech every time.”

Lem adjusted his tin helmet. “I uh-whatever do you mean! I merely wish to-”

“I'm just here to see Hella joust,” Adaire continued, “I’m not going to tell on you for letting me through without running through all of today’s specials.”

“It’s turkey leg,” said the other knight helpfully, “and she's on stage one today.”

“ _ Fero _ ,” hissed Lem.

“What?” said Fero, “I'm giving directions, we're supposed to do that.”

“We are, but-”

“Thanks Fero,” said Adaire, and walked in.

The sound of them bickering faded behind her as she walked through the entry lobby into the main hall. It was crowded, as it always was for the once a month jousting competition, the room heavy with decorations featuring the two rival champions. Adaire looked up, eyeing the enormous banner that hung above the main entrance:

_ Hella Queenkiller vs Hadrian, Sword of Samothes _

_ Championship of the Queen, 2:30pm today _

They both looked, Adaire though, much more severe in the posters than either of them ever did in real life.

A person in a full jester outfit walked past, handing out flyers.

Adaire snorted. Right. Real life.

For someone who visited  _ Hieron: A Medieval Fantasy Experience and Restaurant _ so often, Adaire didn’t really enjoy themed restaurants. She’d helped design and make most of the costumes and some of the theming, which is how she’d gotten dragged into association with it in the first place, but a job like that was different that  _ actually _ working there, and definitely different than  _ enjoying _ having a job there.

Still, every time Hella had a joust, Adaire found she had the day free to come and watch it.

She made her way through the crowd, heading towards the employee-only door, half-hidden behind a wall tapestry. The employee area wasn’t themed the way the public-facing areas of Hieron were, although elements of it had made their way inside - rolled up tapestries in a corner next to the coat rack, tin Hieron-branded flagons mixed in with modern glassware, a jousting poster stuck next to the employee roster.

Adaire paused at the jousting poster. It was different to the ones hanging in the main entrance, a badly photocopied A4 instead of a vinyl scroll. Instead of glaring out at the viewer, this version of Hella and Hadrian were arm wrestling, turned a little away from the viewer and grinning at each other.

“You’re really not supposed to be back here you know.”

Adaire turned quickly, excuses on the tip of her tongue before she saw who it was, her shoulders relaxing.

“Ephrim,” said Adaire, in greeting. She paused. “Don’t you normally avoid working on championship joust days?”

“I swapped shifts with someone,” said Ephrim.

Adaire hummed. “Throndir okay?”

“Yeah, he just had to go pick up Blue J from- uh.” Ephrim’s cheeks flushed. “He had to go pick up Blue J from thing, and he’s always helping me out, so, you know, it’s not a big deal.”

“Right,” said Adaire.

“It’s not,” said Ephrim, “He’ll just, you know, owe me one, or whatever, it’s not like it means anything.”

“Right,” said Adaire again, her eyes sliding to the exit.

“I mean, he’d do it for me,” said Ephrim, “So, you know, why not help him out, we’ve worked together for years.”

“Yeah, no, exactly,” said Adaire, “listen, I’m not really supposed to be back here so I’ll just quickly go see Hella and then get out of here before I get anybody into trouble. She in the usual dressing room?”

Ephrim nodded. He opened his mouth to say something and then his phone vibrated in his hand, his eyes immediately going to the screen. He smiled.

“Great, thanks,” said Adaire, “Say hi to Throndir from me.”

Adaire headed down the small corridor, passing by the locker room and a couple of storage areas before she got to the dressing room. A large gold-paper star had been sticky-taped to the door that read ‘joust champions’ in Benjamin’s wobbly handwriting, faded with age. Adaire knocked.

“We have like ten more minutes!” came Hadrian’s panicked voice. “Don’t we?”

“You do,” said Adaire, “that’s why I came to say hello.”

“Oh thank god,” said Hadrian.

Adaire heard Hella laugh.

“Come in,” said Hella.

The dressing room was as cramped as ever, a small space even without two very tall people and their sets of costumes, armour, and weaponry. Hadrian was pacing, phone wedged between his shoulder, probably in the middle of his usual pre-show call to Rosana. Hella was standing in front of their array of weaponry. She turned toward Adaire, waving her hand towards the rack.

“I just never know what to pick, you know?” said Hella, “like, do I go full evil black-metal axe, or does that seem like too much against Hadrian’s tiny sword.”

“It’s not tiny!”

“Okay, it’s not, but it looks so  _ delicate _ next to that axe, last time I used it I think people really thought I was going to kill you for real,” said Hella. She paused. “Although I guess that  _ did _ really get the crowd into it.”

“Mr Samothes gave me this sword!” said Hadrian, “It’s not  _ delicate _ .” Adaire could hear Rosana say something through the phone, her voice too tinny to make out the words. “It’s not! Rosana, aren’t you supposed to be on my side about this?”

Adaire stepped forward, her hand hovering over the rack for a moment before she reached for a large sword.

“What about this one? Didn’t you get it from Adelaide?”

“I think in the story of the joust I… killed her with it? I mean, it was like two arcs ago but...” said Hella. She took the sword from Adaire, hefting the weight of it in her hands. “I guess it does kind of fit. Hadrian?”

Hadrian shrugged. “Whatever you want to use is fine, I mean, we do have the most practice with swords, probably makes for a better match once one of us gets knocked off the horse.”

“I thought you had to stop doing that,” said Adaire.

“They  _ advised us not to _ , totally different thing,” said Hella, “besides, Hadrian and I have been practising all week, it’s totally safe, right Hadrian?”

“Yeah, it’s easy, we just run at each other on horseback and hit one another, and then I fall off and fake being hurt, Hella comes to check out the situation, I challenge her to fight me in hand to hand combat-”

“And I obviously think I can beat him, and like, no way can I turn down a chance to beat this guy  _ twice _ ,” said Hella, “so I jump down and I do this big swing-”

“It looks  _ great _ ,” said Hadrian.

Hella grinned. “Thanks! I mean, your stuff looks great too, obviously.”

“So,” said Adaire, “who wins?”

Hella shrugged. “We’ll see how the crowd is feeling, I guess. Sometimes people like to see the heel win. Well, they like to hate it, but they definitely have a big reaction.”

“Yeah, I mean, it wouldn’t be fun if I won  _ every  _ time,” said Hadrian, “I feel like my character needs to be up against overwhelming odds, really fighting for the underdogs out there- hmm?” He turned away a little, his attention back toward Rosana on the phone. “No, we still have like five minutes until we have to head out, tell me about your morning, how was brunch?”

“So you’re gonna win,” said Adaire.

Hella huffed a laugh. “We’ll see. Adelaide and I were talking about this arc we could do, the next time I won, where I like, start being her knight  _ for real _ , like, defending her from people who want to, I don’t know, ransom her or something, which sounds like it could be fun, but… we’ll see.” She shrugged. “Some days people really do just want to see the good guy win.”

“Not me,” said Adaire.

Hella’s smile widened. “Yeah, but you’re pretty biased.” She slid the sword into its sheath, fastening it around her waist.

“Here,” said Adaire, “Let me. I did make most of these costumes, after all.”

Her hands brushed Hella’s as she buckled the sword belt around Hella’s waist, letting her hands linger on Hella’s sides. She looked up, her breath catching in her throat at the way Hella’s red curls caught the light.

Hella grinned down at her. “Thanks. And uh. Thanks for coming by, I know this stuff’s not really your thing but…”

Adaire shrugged. “It’s alright.”

“Yeah, but I mean…” Hella took a deep breath. “I appreciate you coming to like, wish me luck. It’s… I like it. I’m glad you do it.”

Adaire felt her face flush. “I- no problem. It’s. I like doing it.”

She might have been imagining it, but she was sure she saw a light pink flush spread over Hella’s cheeks.

“Cool,” said Hella.

Hella bit her lip, the motion drawing Adaire’s eyes. She felt her cheeks heat more, and she would have turned away were it not for the deepening colour of Hella’s cheeks. Quickly, before she lost her nerve, Adaire put her hands on Hella’s chestplate, leaning up to press a light kiss to Hella’s cheek.

“For luck,” said Adaire.

She stepped back, letting her hands fall to her sides. Hella opened her mouth, then shut it again.

“I-” said Hella, “thanks?”

A knock at the door made both of them jump. “Two minutes!”

Hadrian made a panicked noise, armour clanking as he grabbed his shield.

“Shit,” said Hella, “We gotta go, I- you’ll be watching?”

“Always,” said Adaire.

“Good, I, uh-”

Hella darted forward, her hands grasping Adaire’s as she leant down, kissing Adaire, fast and light, on the corner of her mouth. Adaire couldn’t be sure, in Hella’s rushed state, that that had been where she had meant her lips to land.

“For, um. For luck,” said Hella.

Adaire could feel the spot Hella’s lips had been, the skin tingling. She resisted the urge to touch it with her fingertips.

“Okay,” said Adaire, “Good. So you’ll be extra lucky out there today, right?”

Hadrian clapped Hella on the shoulder. “Ready to do battle?”

Hella blinked, grinning at Hadrian. “Of course.”

She followed Hadrian out, glancing back over her shoulder at Adaire.

“I’ll… see you out there?”

“Absolutely,” said Adaire.

She waited until she heard the clanking footsteps of Hella and Hadrian fade before she headed out, moving quickly through the twisting employee corridors. She was, of course, not supposed to go that way, but she always did. After all, it meant that she could get a front row seat in the standing section of the crowd.

It wasn’t long before the ceremony began, a burst of trumpets signalling the arrival of Adelaide, her pearlescent robes shimmering as she moved to stand in front of her throne. She raised her hand and the crowd fell silent, a feat that was always impressive to Adaire.

“Thank you,” said Adelaide, “You are all here to bear witness to this great battle between my… current Champion, Hadrian, Sword of Samothes-”

Hadrian emerged from one end of the room. For all his pre-show nerves he never failed to make an entrance, raising his sword high above his head and looking for all the world as though he has stepped out of illustration of King Arthur’s knights. The crowd cheered.

“And,” continued Adelaide, “his opponent and my murderer, Hella, Queenkiller.”

Hella stepped out from the shadows of the other entrance. The woman beside Adaire gasped, and it was easy to see why. Hella glared out at the crowd, the lights glinting of the wicked-looking spikes on her armour.

Adaire grinned.

“I swear,” yelled Hadrian, “she will not take you life again my Queen!”

The crowd cheered.

“I will take anything I care to,” said Hella, her voice growling out through the speakers in the crowd.

The crowd booed. Adaire laughed.

Adelaide outlined the rules of the joust. Adaire’s attention wandered back to Hella, only half paying attention. Even if Hella hadn’t told her what the joust would be like, she’d watched enough of Hella’s to know how they went.

Hella and Hadrian mounted their horses - Hella’s a jet-black and Hadrian’s white, of course - preparing to run at one another.

This was the only part Adaire even looked away from - the moment of impact. It didn’t matter how many times Hella assured her of the amount of practise she did, or the safety precautions, or went through how all the props worked, some part of her always braced for something to go wrong, her muscles tense and ready to leap over the fencing to rush to Hella’s side.

It was Hadrian, of course, who fell, clutching at his shoulder as he staggered back to his feet, yelling, overwrought, about honour and continuing the battle. Hella sneered at him from horseback, soaking in the outrage of the crowds before she slid gracefully from the back of the horse and drew her blade.

There was a good reason that the crowd was always so packed on championship joust days. Adaire might not have cared for particularly for the trappings but they were incredible to watch, moving fast, careful to take the fight up and down the field to give the whole crowd an up-close view of the fight.

The crowd were as responsive as ever, gasping and cheering at equal turns as the upper hand changed from Hella to Hadrian and back to Hella again. The woman next to Adaire was gripping the jacket of the woman she was with so hard that her knuckles were white. They were impressive to watch, as they always were.

Hella knocked Hadrian to the ground, looming over him. He reached, weakly, for his sword and Hella kicked it away, putting a boot on his chest to stop him from moving. She tilted her head up, looking towards Adelaide. Adelaide stood, her hand on her chest as she stepped towards the edge of the balcony.

“Do you yield your champion, queen?”

The outrage of the crowd was overwhelming. Adaire thought she saw Hadrian’s lips twitch into a smile.

“No, my queen,” yelled Hadiran, voice rasping, “do not put yourself in danger! I would gladly die to protect you!”

“Do not let it be said that Hella Queenkiller was one to deny making the hearts of men glad,” growled Hella, raising her sword above her head.

“I yield!” said Adelaide, “I yield.”

Hella’s sword stopped its motion, although she kept her boot firmly on Hadrian’s chest. She looked towards Adelaide, waiting.

“I-” Adelaide took a deep breath. “I proclaim you my champion-”

The crowd erupted, the yelling fading as soon as Adelaide raised a hand.

“Until such time as you are unseated by another.”

Hella laughed. “Any man who faces me is a fool, and I will crush them under my heel.”

Hadrian cried out, clutching at Hella’s boot as if she was hurting him. The crowd gasped. Adaire pressed her lips together to suppress a laugh.

“That may be what you believe,” said Adelaide, “but there will always be those who strike back against you.”

Hella laughed again. “They can try. I believe I shall be champion for a long time yet. You will just have to get used to me.”

She turned and swaggered out of the hall, back through the door she had come from. Two of Hadrian’s men rushed forward, making a show of helping him to his feet and leading him out the opposite door.

Adaire looked up towards Adelaide. Adelaide met her eyes, the tight expression on her face fading into warmth for the space of a heartbeat. Adaire grinned back, turning to push her way back to the employee entrance. She had a champion to congratulate.

She could already hear Hella and Hadrian in the dressing room, making a ruckus as they removed their armor. Adaire knocked on the frame of the open door and they both looked towards her, grinning and sweaty. Hadrian was already mostly back into his street clothes, where Hella had only taken off her chestplate.

“Adaire!” said Hadrian, raising his arms above his head and then wincing.

Hella laughed. “Take it easy,I hit you pretty hard on that last swing.”

“I’m fine, I’m better than fine!”

Adaire couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t know that I’ve ever seen someone who loves to lose as much as you do.”

“There’s just so much you can  _ do _ with it!” said Hadrian, “Plus, only the champion has to go to the feast, which means I can head out early today and pick Ben up from the library.”

Hella made a face. “I always forget that part.”

Hadrian clapped a hand on her shoulder again. “It’s not that bad. I mean, Adelaide-” His phone vibrated in his hand and he immediately answered it. “Hey! I lost!” He paused, laughing. “I know, it was  _ perfect _ , Rosana, you should have  _ seen _ Hella, she makes an incredible evil knight-”

“You really do,” said Adaire, “The people I was standing next to looked like they were going to pass out.”

Hella rubbed the back of her neck. “Well, you know. I like to put on a good show.”

“You certainly do that,” said Adaire, with much more feeling than she meant to.

“I’m glad you liked it,” said Hella.

“Of course,” said Adaire, “the whole crowd was wild the whole time.”

“No, Adaire, I mean, I’m glad  _ you _ liked it,” said Hella.

“Oh.” Adaire tucked her hands into her skirt pockets to distract herself from the squirming feeling in her stomach. “I… Hella, I…”

Hella took a half-step towards her. “Yeah?”

“I…”

“Okay! I’m outta here!” said Hadrian, still practically bouncing on the balls of his feet with every step. He pushed at Hella’s shoulder playfully. “Don’t worry about the feast, you don’t actually have to be there that long and it’s not like anyone would mess with you after that fight, or like, ever.”

Hella laughed a laugh. “Okay, okay - enjoy your afternoon off, say hi to Rosana and Ben for me.”

“I will!” said Hadrian, “See you for Friday night dinner? I’m sure Ben would love to hear how you kicked my ass this time.”

“Yeah, of course,” said Hella, “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Great! Bye!”

He shut the door behind him as he left, making the room even quieter now that even the distant sounds of Hieron were muffled.

Adaire shifted her feet. “I guess I should probably go too, you know, let you get ready for the feast.”

She turned for the room but Hella’s hand caught her shoulder. Adaire pressed her lips together to stop her sound of surprise, taking a moment before she turned back towards Hella.

“Wait, uh,” Hella’s hand flexed on Adaire’s shoulder but she didn’t let go. “What were you going to say, before?”

“Just that I… I like coming to see you here,” said Adaire.

“You think this place is dumb,” said Hella.

“Yeah, but it makes you happy, so it can’t be all bad” said Adaire.

A smile bloomed on Hella’s face in time with the flush on her cheeks. Adaire felt the heat in her cheeks to match, curling her toes in her shoes in an attempt to lessen it.

“So,” said Adaire, “what are you going to do now that you’re champion?”

Hella shrugged. “I don’t know, I’ll probably need to talk to Adelaide, see what she has in mind. Red’s in town next month, we could probably convince him to come in for a match of two, the crowd loves being terrified by him. It’d give us something to work with until it makes sense for me to fight Hadrian again.”

“Again, huh?” said Adaire.

“He’s fun to fight,” said Hella, “and even though I’m sure he’d love it, he can’t lose  _ every _ time.” She glanced at the clock, letting out a sigh. “I guess I should put all this stuff back on before I make an appearance at the feast.”

Before she could think better of it, Adaire asked, “Do you want a hand?”

Hella blinked. “Uh, Sure, yeah, that would be great actually.” She rolled her shoulders, frowning suddenly and rubbing at her arm. “I think I might have pulled something in my shoulder, makes it hard to get that thing back on.”

Adaire stepped forward, putting her hand over Hella’s. “You’re hurt?”

“I’ll be fine in a day or two,” said Hella. “You worry too much.”

Adaire looked up at her. “You regularly get into sword fights, so think I worry the exact right amount actually.”

Hella huffed a laugh. “Yeah, maybe you’re right. Good thing you always stop by to wish me luck.”

Adaire felt herself flush again. “I… about earlier, if that was- I mean, I didn’t mean to… if I made you uncomfortable-”

“What, Adaire no, that’s totally not it,” said Hella, “Adaire I-” She bit her lip. “I meant it, when I… before. And I’d like to do it again, if, uh, if that’s… okay?”

“What?”

“Sorry,” said Hella, stepping back, Adaire hand sliding away from her’s. “I, uh, I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t say you didn’t mean it,” said Adaire, “Hella, I- I-”

Adaire stepped forward quickly, repeated her motion from earlier in the day and putting her hands on Hella’s chest to get herself level enough to kiss Hella. This time, instead of chastely kissing her cheek, Adaire kissed her lips. She felt Hella gasp, opening under her as her hands went to Adaire’s waist, holding her steady as their kiss deepened.

Hella walked them backwards, her nose bumping into Adaire’s as her legs met the chair. Adaire huffed a laugh. Hella grinned, sitting back and pulling Adaire down after her. Adaire went willingly, more than willingly, her hands curling in Hella’s hair as they kissed, revelling in the small sigh Hella gave.

There was a distant banging sound. Hella kept kissing her, and so Adaire was more than happy for its source and reason to continue to be a mystery to her. Hella’s hand tugged at the fabric of her t-shirt, sliding up Adaire’s back. Adaire pressed herself closer, cupping Hella’s cheek before her hand trailed down Hella’s neck. Hella swallowed.

“Adaire,” said Hella, her voice hoarse, “we should-”

“ _ Varal _ ,” said a voice from outside, “five minutes until the feast!”

“Shit,” said Hella. She looked from Adaire, to the door, then back to Adaire. “Yeah, I’m, I’ll be there, I’m just getting ready! Just give me a minute!”

“Guess you have to go, huh?” said Adaire.

Hella bit her lip. “I uh. Kinda? But we can- I mean, when Hadrian goes he’s only there for like twenty minutes, usually, before he bails, so maybe you could stick around? If you’re free?”

Adaire leant back, her hands resting on Hella’s shoulders. “I might be. Free to what?”

“We could go get dinner somewhere,” said Hella, “Or something. Anything. You pick.”

Her hands were twitching in Adaire’s sides. Adaire swallowed, her own fingers twitching too, catching a little on the tunic Hella wore under her armour.

“Like… a date?”

She felt Hella tense under her.

“I… yeah,” said Hella, “If that’s… if you’d want to.”

Adaire’s breath caught in her throat. “I… yeah. Yeah, that’d be nice.”

Hella smiled. “Yeah?”

Adaire couldn’t help but smile back, giddiness bubbling up inside her. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“I’ll, uh, I’ll meet you at the front? After the feast?”

“Yeah, okay,” said Adaire. She paused. “I guess we should get you ready, huh?”

“I guess,” said Hella.

Adaire stood up in-between Hella’s legs, keeping her hands on Hella’s shoulders, not quite willing to stop touching Hella entirely. Hella’s hands went back to her waist. She leant up towards Adaire.

“I mean,” said Hella, “I still do have five whole minutes…”

Adaire smiled, leaning back down towards her to meet Hella halfway. “I guess you do.”

The rest of the world, Hieron included, could wait a little longer.

**Author's Note:**

> I have never been to a Medieval Times, if you have please tell me about it bc it seems like the most incredible food-related experience you could have.
> 
> and come say hi: mariusperkins on most places


End file.
